As always our two little darlings were up before sparrow’s – and subsequently so was I.
I blame the hour for the absence of my usual good sense and reason.
That, and the incredible power of persuasion of the infomercial.
Yes, finally after 34 years, I was suckered.
There we were watching the half-hour glossy TV ad for something called the Ab Circle Pro – just me and the Babies Bean – when those hard, lean abs started talking to me.
‘Hell yeah, I could have a six pack like hers,’ my sleep-deprived brain thought as it was assaulted by the repetitive informercial voiceover.
‘All I need is …. an Ab Circle Pro!’
And lucky for me the wonderful promoters were offering a no obligation 30-day free trial for the bargain price of $29.95. Quicker than you could say, ‘We’ll even throw in a exercise DVD and a free set of steak knives’ I had dialled the number and was talking to a call centre in down town Mumbai, placing my order for a six-pack with the lot.
That was 4.30am January 1. It arrived a few days later, cleverly disguised in an enormous box plastered with giant letters advertising that I had stooped to new lows and ordered the AB CIRCLE PRO!!!
The ladies at the post office were impressed.
“The best exercise this will give you is carrying it to the car,” they said as they hauled the very heavy package over the counter.
I was perplexed – how did they know what was in my parcel, surely they hadn’t been peeking?
Then I clapped eyes on the box, which seriously has Ab Circle Pro written on it about six times.
Oh the shame, it’ll be around the district before smoko.
And now here I am, 25 days later the not so proud owner of an over-priced mail-order exercise contraption.
There’s just a few days before my no obligation trial period ends and the Ab Circle Pro remains in its box, unpacked, unassembled, unused (see photographic evidence above).
My abs remain as they were – flabby and undefined.
I cringe when I think how many others have gone before me – is there a graveyard for unwanted infomercial exercise machines?
There is, it’s called EBay. A quick check reveals EBay Australia has 18 Ab Circle Pros listed for sale – at half the amount I’m going to have to fork out if I proceed.
Now I’m in a quandary – do I unpack the ACP and give it ago? My fear in doing this is I’m going to hate it and I’ll have to repackage it … a mission almost as difficult as shedding the flabby figure which now haunts me.
And if, by some miracle, I do manage to repackage it, what will it cost to post it back to the promoters?
What to do – give it a go, or admit defeat – put your hands together for another sucker, beaten by the power of the early morning infomercial.